Seven types of customer reviewers

They say the best way to judge a person’s character is to observe how they behave in a crisis. We say it’s how they choose to leave a customer review online. 

Are they cool, calm and collected, or are they the type who threatens to put a curse on the brand for all of eternity? 

We’ve compiled the seven most common types of customer reviewers you’re likely to encounter in the wild. Which one are you?

1. The First-Timer

The First-Timer is allergic to reviews. They’re afraid of causing a scene and worried that they won’t be taken seriously, which often results in vague social media statuses that don’t tag the brand or highlight the problem.

They’re characterised by passive-aggressive, throwaway comments like “don’t shop at Sarel’s Snoepwinkel if you know what’s good for you!!!” or “never going to THAT restaurant again…” 

On top of completely failing to help solve the problem, these types of reviews are super annoying to friends or followers. Hands up if you’ve ever had to mute that one aunty who basically just uses Facebook to hurl brand abuse into the ether.

If this sounds like you, remember: negative reviews help businesses in the long run. Wouldn’t you be thankful if someone gave you constructive criticism on something you’re able to improve? Ditch the subtweets and learn to write an awesome review here. When you’ve got that waxed, sign up to Hellopeter and say it where it counts.

2. The D-bag

The D-bag leaves reviews that are mean, aggressive, unnecessarily personal, filled with gratuitous capslock (seriously, there’s no need to shout) and usually contain language that would make a rapper blush.

Don’t be a D-bag. Firstly, aggressive reviews are never a good look. And secondly, there are actually real people on the other end of your rants.

Try to keep in mind, the majority of businesses didn’t set out to give you a bad experience. Mistakes and accidents happen, and the person on the other end of your rant usually has nothing to do with your negative review. 

3. The Chronic Complainer

Oh look, it’s Lerato complaining that the cheese she bought yesterday weighs 399g when it said 400g on the packaging. Last week the cashier wasn’t friendly enough and the week before that? Well, she just couldn’t believe that a petrol station grocer didn’t stock vegan, sugar, gluten and dairy-free cheeseburger pies.

The Chronic Complainer will find any excuse to complain. And, as a result, people will find any excuse to avoid them.

4. The Rip Off

The Rip Off jumps at any opportunity to milk a complaint for all it’s worth. They’re the kind of person who expects the bill to be waived if the waiter brings a Coke Zero instead of Diet Coke. The worst kind.

It’s hard to take this kind of complaint seriously, because it reeks of a not-so-hidden agenda. An agenda that primarily involves scoring freebies.

Whenever you write a review, try to be sincere. A brand can usually smell when you’re trying to get a free meal out of a negative review.

5. The Sensationalist

AKA The Multimedia Moaner. They’ll contact @Breakingnews, @Worldnews, @CNN, @Oprah and everyone in between to ensure their story is heard. The Sensationalist has a penchant to exaggerate, and genuinely feels their slightly soggy slap chips are worthy of headline news.

Identified by their tendency to copy and paste their review to every social media platform available to them, they’re difficult to reason with and are often a Rip Off hybrid.

6. The Constructive Critic

These people mean business. They’re reviewing with purpose, they’re clear and concise, and they’re reasonable. They’re polite and kind, and offer useful solutions to the problem at hand. Basically, they’re the unicorns of the consumer world.

Wanna be a unicorn? Sure you do. Click here to learn how to leave the perfect review.

7. The Kudos King

Not all heroes wear capes. In fact, sometimes they wear Crocs and cargo pants. But we’re not judging. The Kudos King feels like it’s his duty to bring some positivity into the world, penning glowing reviews on everything from service to experiences, meals to deals.

Their recommendations aren’t only a great way to discover hidden gems or insider intel, they also give businesses the props they need to thrive and prosper. So be like the Kudos King: if you experience epic service, leave an epic review with us!

Have we left any type of reviewer out? If so, let us know!

Reviews on Hellopeter have helped over one million consumers make better choices. Had an experience you’d like to tell us about? Leave us a review here.